Following on from part one of the things you are going to find when you’re 50.
Ten is as many items in a list as I think a person can stand in one sitting; here is the next ten things you’re going to encounter at 50:
- Friends insist that exercise is good for you. Flicking through adverts indicates that someone your age should take medical advice before taking up any exercise programme. You can’t imagine trying anything that dangerous.
- Neighbourhood watch schemes now seem a fantastic idea, but you’re concerned you would fail the age requirements.
- When you wake up you will need a few moments to check out which bits of you no longer have blood in them and which hurt like hell. However you will not remember that you need this time. Mornings feature you collapsing to the floor and/or screaming out.
- Elasticated waist trousers have become attractive. You find yourself wearing them more often than not. You can’t believe that they are not a desirable fashion item.
- Whilst searching for a radio programme that you can actually listen to, you happen across Radio 4. You can’t imagine why you didn’t find it compelling listening before.
- Adverts for pension investments have become fascinating. You find yourself reading pensions statements with avid interest.
- Performance cars now seem needlessly difficult to live with. You start reviewing articles on Volvo and Honda; they seem like wonderful cars.
- Whenever you get together with people you look around and find you are the oldest person there.
- People seem to be dashing around at 5 times your pace. You wonder where they get the drugs from and would they have the same effect on you.
- Someone in authority gives you a ticking off. You realise they look younger than that person you babysat 3 decades ago. Somehow this makes it all the more humiliating.
If you missed part one you will find it here:
Watch out for part three here:
Following on from part three of the things you are going to find when you’re 50.
Ten more items from the same list:
- Visiting a stately home seems a great idea. You’re persuaded that joining the National Trust/English Heritage will be fun. You find yourself visiting more and more stately homes. After a while you realise these places have only two kinds of visitors: harassed looking young adults with little ones or those moving at the speed of continents. You notice that you do not have any small people with you…
- It seems to you that you are on top of this technology business; you worked out how to use Facebook. WhatsApp turned out to be not so difficult. You are concerned though that you keep finding new technology that you’ve never heard of. The speed with which you’re supposed to learn new things seems laughable.
- It is cold; it always seems cold. You want warm, you want fashionable you choose Thinsulate…
- You’ve sailed through 5 decades with the odd nose bleed and a scraped elbow. Now every minor snuffle lays you low for weeks on end. You start considering flu jabs as a great health investment.
- Embracing new things has always been you; every new thing; especially TV programmes. Surprising then how often you find yourself watching David Attenborough, Columbo or Murder She Wrote.
- Food is a source of experimentation for you. You’ve tried them all; from sushi to witchetty grubs. Nothing is too wild for you. Recently though intestinal complaints have been so violent you require compensatory plumbing. Oatmeal seems a really tasty idea suddenly.
- There’s no way that age can be a barrier to music appreciation. After some diligent listening to chart music you determine that one or two tracks are actually quite enjoyable. When you tell people about this they think it is hysterical.
- There is someone gorgeous on the street. A part of your mind reminds you that they could be your child or worse still your grandchild.
- Since the age of 18 you’ve been the same weight. Clothes fitted nicely. You could eat what you liked. You felt comfortable in your body. Now you notice the belt is tighter. The scales reveal a depressing story. The weight hangs around your waistline like an accusatory life-preserver.
- When you were younger you scoffed at all the silver hair; swearing you would dye it before it got to that stage. Now you realise there is a race between it falling out and changing colour. You become grateful for any hair whatever its colour.
If you missed part one you will find it here:
If you missed part two you will find it here:
If you missed part three you will find it here:
Watch out for part five here: