Things You Really Will be Doing Now You’re 50 – Part Five

Following on from part four of the things you are going to find when you’re 50.

https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-four

Ten more items from the same list:

  1. You can’t see road signs so you get glasses. You can’t see to thread a needle, so you get glasses. Any task involves juggling eyesight correcting devices. You develop a facility for recognising different varieties of fuzzy as objects.
  2. Just as you get to like something you find that the shops stop stocking it. Years ago you just moved on. Now you find yourself scanning auction sites, second hand stores, junk shops in the hope of continuing to use that thing you have a fondness for.
  3. Suddenly everything in the past seems more pleasant than today. You forget the shoddy brakes on your first car and wish you still had it. You forget the unpleasantness with the neighbour and consider that everyone was much friendlier then. Constant rain showers are dispelled in memories of long summers of unbroken sunshine. You have entered the nostalgia zone.
  4. After a long time of dismissing it as boring you find an hour of Gardeners’ World quite relaxing. You get drawn in. Before long you find that you are making way too many visits to garden centres. Eventually you start listening to Gardeners’ question time…
  5. You meet up with some friends that you haven’t seen in a long time. You know that you haven’t changed but you are shocked at how old they look…
  6. In conversation someone remarks that you have a lot less time to go than you have already had. After the message has had time to sink in you realise that actually you don’t mind about that. You wonder if that means there is something wrong with you.
  7. Whitening your teeth sounds a great idea. Surely this would improve your appeal to other people. However you realise that your mouth now contains more amalgam than tooth.
  8. Snoring will start to punctuate your night time hours. You will find no explanation for this. In order to avoid being murdered by your partner you take to the sofa.
  9. Your body formerly lived a halcyon existence of cooperative equanimity. Now the disparate parts engage in a war with one another. If one area is dry an adjacent area is greasy. If one is jittery due to inactivity another is tired out from exercise. Whilst one feels fit another feels damaged. Every action is punctuated with either fatigue, itching or little stabs of pain; apparently to remind you that this dispute is underway.
  10. Other people have now moved you from a position where you might have been appealing to some kind of universal parent figure. Your role is now to listen and support; to give advice (which they will ignore). This enables them to go on with their lives; in which it is never suspected you could be involved.

That’s the 50 things that will happen to you now that you are 50, I’d welcome any comments (unless of the trolling variety. If you like this blog please subscribe by email and you will get updates as I post new stuff.
If you missed part one you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50
If you missed part two you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-two
If you missed part three you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-three
If you missed part four you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-four

That’s it for this series.

Things You Really Will be Doing Now You’re 50 – Part Four

Following on from part three of the things you are going to find when you’re 50.

https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-three

Ten more items from the same list:

  1. Visiting a stately home seems a great idea. You’re persuaded that joining the National Trust/English Heritage will be fun. You find yourself visiting more and more stately homes. After a while you realise these places have only two kinds of visitors: harassed looking young adults with little ones or those moving at the speed of continents. You notice that you do not have any small people with you…
  2. It seems to you that you are on top of this technology business; you worked out how to use Facebook. WhatsApp turned out to be not so difficult. You are concerned though that you keep finding new technology that you’ve never heard of. The speed with which you’re supposed to learn new things seems laughable.
  3. It is cold; it always seems cold. You want warm, you want fashionable you choose Thinsulate…
  4. You’ve sailed through 5 decades with the odd nose bleed and a scraped elbow. Now every minor snuffle lays you low for weeks on end. You start considering flu jabs as a great health investment.
  5. Embracing new things has always been you; every new thing; especially TV programmes. Surprising then how often you find yourself watching David Attenborough, Columbo or Murder She Wrote.
  6. Food is a source of experimentation for you. You’ve tried them all; from sushi to witchetty grubs. Nothing is too wild for you. Recently though intestinal complaints have been so violent you require compensatory plumbing. Oatmeal seems a really tasty idea suddenly.
  7. There’s no way that age can be a barrier to music appreciation. After some diligent listening to chart music you determine that one or two tracks are actually quite enjoyable. When you tell people about this they think it is hysterical.
  8. There is someone gorgeous on the street. A part of your mind reminds you that they could be your child or worse still your grandchild.
  9. Since the age of 18 you’ve been the same weight. Clothes fitted nicely. You could eat what you liked. You felt comfortable in your body. Now you notice the belt is tighter. The scales reveal a depressing story. The weight hangs around your waistline like an accusatory life-preserver.
  10. When you were younger you scoffed at all the silver hair; swearing you would dye it before it got to that stage. Now you realise there is a race between it falling out and changing colour. You become grateful for any hair whatever its colour.

If you missed part one you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50
If you missed part two you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-two
If you missed part three you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-three

Watch out for part five here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/30/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-five