This was part of an exercise designed such that you would write about children.
Unfortunately I have very limited experience with children and apparently it showed. My lack of understanding was about the level that children think at.
From my perspective a child has reasonably little awareness of a world outside of their head. My limited understanding stemmed from the way parents treat children.
Parents insist upon holding a child’s hand (because children have no idea an oncoming car can kill them).
Parents tend to keep children close to them (because children can’t survive alone).
Parents escort children everywhere (because children are unable to do anything by themselves).
So I had the impression that prior to a certain age a child’s perspective was skewed by what was inside the child’s head.
The feedback I received was that the story was unrealistic as the child would not be this naïve.
That shows how little I know.
This underlines the idea that you should try to write about things that you know – or do your research well.
After this I’ve pretty well decided that using children as characters is not going to be something that I’m great at. So probably has no future in the things that I write.
The following therefore is probably only of interest in terms of an example of what not to do.
“Can I have a puppy Mummy? Can I? I want a puppy because I don’t have a puppy”.
“Timmy be quiet can’t you see I’m talking?”
Mummy was talking very loud. Mummy is loud if I am naughty. I think the man must have been naughty. I hid behind Mummy’s legs.
Mummy was very upset –the back of her hand went white. My hand hurts when she holds it so tightly.
“Mummy, Mummy let go, I want to play”.
I looked down at my new shoes. The little lights in the sides came on as I was walking. I was stamping my shoes and trying to see the lights come on.
I wondered if the strange man had sweeties. “Hello” I said from behind Mummy’s legs.
The man bent down and looked at me. He was very dirty, he had strange-looking hair with leaves in it.
“Mummy he smells funny”
Mummy pulled my hand suddenly – it really hurt – I was crying. Mummy was talking very loud now.
The man had Mummy’s handbag. Perhaps he wanted to buy me presents? Sometimes Mummy buys me presents when she has that bag.
Mummy said that Father Christmas would come with presents. Perhaps this man was Father Christmas? He had a wrinkly hairy face.
“Mummy has Father Christmas got me a present?”
“Timmy if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a thick ear, understand?”
Mummy took me to see Father Christmas before; he wasn’t like this Father Christmas. When I went to see Father Christmas before he was shiny, red and happy, he didn’t smell like this man.
I saw another Father Christmas in a shop today. Maybe there are lots of Father Christmas’s? Perhaps I get more presents if there are lots of Father Christmas’s?
“I want a present, I want a present”.
Mummy turned around and smacked me. I started crying. I felt hot and tired
Mummy was very angry now; she was really shouting – her arm had gone stiff and my hand was really hurting.
People were standing still watching me. They must have known that I was with Father Christmas.
It was very quiet now. Mummy was not shouting. A shiny car was there; it was white and had funny lights.
The lights on my shoes are red, these lights were blue, they were very high, I watched them go round and round.
A really big man was talking to Mummy. He had very dark clothes on; he was scary. He had a shiny belt on; I was watching the long stick on that belt. Billy has a stick like that; he got it for his birthday. I don’t think I could have played with this stick. Billy has a puppy, it was all floppy and sleepy – I don’t think Father Christmas had my puppy.
The big man put Father Christmas in his shiny car.
“Mummy can I go with Father Christmas?”
“NO Timmy you can’t”.
Mummy didn’t have hold of my hand now. I jumped in next to Father Christmas.
“Father Christmas, can I have a puppy?”
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